Divorce Mediation

What it is

You decide. I keep the conversation moving.

Mediation is a structured conversation between two people who are ending a marriage, guided by a neutral third person who does not take a side.

Most people picture divorce as two attorneys writing letters to each other at four hundred dollars an hour while a judge who has never met your kids decides where they sleep on Christmas. That version is real, and sometimes it is necessary. But it is not the only version, and it is not the one most families need.

In mediation, you and your spouse sit down with me and work through the actual list: parenting time, decision making, the house, the debt, retirement accounts, support, who keeps the dog. I do not decide anything. I make sure both people are heard, that nothing gets skipped, and that the conversation keeps moving when it wants to stall out on the same fight you have been having for years.

You leave with a written agreement that reflects what the two of you decided, not what a stranger decided for you.

Fit

Who this is for

• Two people who can be in the same room, or the same video call, without it becoming unsafe
• Parents who are going to keep sharing children long after the case closes, and know it
• Anyone who wants to spend their money on their kids instead of on litigation
• Couples who mostly agree and need help with three or four sticking points
• Couples who agree on almost nothing but are willing to try before they hand it over

How it works

Five steps, in order.

1. Separate intake conversations

   I talk with each of you alone first. I want to know what matters most to you, what you are afraid of, and what you already agree on. Nothing you say here is repeated to the other person without your permission.

2. Financial groundwork

   We build a full picture: income, debt, accounts, property, insurance, the real monthly cost of two households instead of one. This is where my finance coaching work earns its keep. Most fights about money are actually fights about a number nobody has written down yet.

3. Working sessions

   Usually two to five, depending on complexity. We take the list in order, hardest last. You will not be rushed into a decision in the room, and either of you can pause to think or to consult your own attorney at any point.

4. Memorandum of understanding

   I write up what you agreed to, in plain language, so you can both read it and recognize your own decisions in it.

5. Review and filing

   Each of you takes that document to your own attorney to review before anything is signed or filed. I will say this more than once, because it protects you.

Sessions are virtual by default, which means we can work together regardless of where each of you lives right now. In person is available in the Albuquerque area.

The honest line

What I am, and what I am not.

I am a certified divorce mediator and a divorce coach. I am not an attorney, and I do not represent either of you.

That means I do not give legal advice, I do not tell you what a judge would do, and I do not draft your final decree. What I do is keep two people talking productively about decisions that will shape the next twenty years of their lives, and make sure the agreement you reach is one you both actually understand.

Hiring an attorney to review your agreement is the normal path, not a fallback. Good mediation makes that review shorter and cheaper. It does not replace it.

Coach or mediator. Generally not both.

These are two different jobs with two different sets of rules, and it matters which one you are hiring me for.

As your coach, I am in your corner. I work with you alone, what you tell me stays with me, and my job is to help you think clearly and hold yourself steady through the hardest decisions of your life.

As a mediator, I am neutral. I work with both of you, I hold you both equally, and I am not anyone's advocate.

Doing both jobs in the same divorce creates a real conflict, because I would be walking into a room where I am supposed to be neutral while carrying one person's confidences. So as a rule, I do one or the other. In the uncommon case where crossing that line makes sense, both of you have to understand the conflict and agree to it in writing before mediation begins, and I will still decline if I do not believe I can be genuinely neutral.

If you are not sure which one you need, say so in the first conversation. That is a normal question and it is usually easy to answer.

Why I do this work

Divorce is where cycles break or get passed down.

I came out of a childhood I would not wish on anyone, and I spent years learning how to stop repeating what I was handed.

The way two adults treat each other in this process becomes the model their children carry into their own marriages. I have watched people who genuinely loved each other spend forty thousand dollars teaching their kids that conflict means destruction.

You cannot always control whether your marriage ends. You have a great deal of control over how.

The tools I build

LegalReportCard.com

Mediation only helps the people who make it to my calendar. So I build things for everyone else.

LegalReportCard.com is a free family law directory I built and run. It exists because when you are meeting the family law system for the first time, at the worst moment of your life, almost everyone offering you information has a financial interest in your decision.

What is on it

Attorney reviews from actual clients, with no paid placement.

No sponsored results, no premium profiles, no way to buy your way up the list. Ever. Reviews are read by a human before they publish, and reviewers are never exposed to the attorney they reviewed.

A roadmap for all fifty states plus D.C.

The real filing steps, links to the court forms, and the specific gotchas that catch people in each jurisdiction.

A glossary of one hundred and fifty terms.

So the first time you hear "pendente lite" it is not from a judge.

A guide to representing yourself.

For people who cannot afford counsel and are going to do it anyway.

It is free, there is nothing to buy, and there never will be. It is legal information, not legal advice. The point is not to help you skip an attorney. The point is that when you hire one, you can tell whether they are doing a good job.